A big box of chocolates is promised by a colleague if I can manage the behaviour of a child who's at the point of being thrown out of school for good! She reckons that this is the one I won't be able to change -- there's a challenge I can't resist...
I'd already met this little guy. Last year I was asked to observe the class as some children (including our mini tyrant) were causing major behaviour problems. The young teacher was out of her depth and needed some help. So, I went and observed but - oh dear.... it wasn't at all good. There were four adults and just less than 30 children... but there wasn't any plan of who was supposed to be doing what with the groups. There was no team work, adult authority, discipline, structure or routine.
The little guy who's being referred to me was pretty good at the start. But he soon started - fidgeting, poking his neighbour - but the nearest adult failed to act. They'd been advised to ignore him! Then he was out of his chair and rolled under the table out of reach... No real rush of adult activity even then. This was all in less than 2 minutes from the lesson's start! Hm, what next? Off he went out of the room to the coat area. Surely someone was going to act now? Yes, one of the adults slowly got up and followed...
As I followed I heard a door being banged over and over. The adult stood by while he banged a toilet door. When I asked her what she was going to do, she looked a bit embarrassed and said that she didn't really know what to do. The child could tell by her manner that he had all the power - he knew that she hadn't the first idea of what action to take.
I asked if she wanted me to show her what she should do. 'Oh, yes please,' she said. Her body language changed as she recognised that help was being offered that would relieve her from a situation where she had no idea what to do.
As the child glared at me, challenging and defiant, I reached out, held the door and took his hand. Quite briskly but softly I told him to come with me. He was surprised at an adult's assertiveness as I walked him back towards the classroom. I asked the other adult to go and sit by the door in the classroom. The child walked with me calmly - he wasn't quite sure what to do. Nothing was happening that would make him want to fight, so he just followed.
When we got to where the assistant was sitting I told him to sit on the floor and not to move until the lady said he could. I asked him if he understood and he said that he did.
'Yes miss', he said. He sat down, looking at me, a little confused!
'That's a good boy, now don't move.'
The rest of the adults were watching the situation with looks of disbelief and said that they couldn't believe that he was conforming as he never did so for them. 'Well,' I told them, 'he obviously can conform as that's exactly what he's just done.'
A little girl, who also presented the teacher with major behaviour problems, looked at one of the adults, indicated towards me and said with great feeling, 'She's good!'
Children instinctively and immediately know which adults have authority and who they have to behave for. And the rest of the adults, who they know don't have the skills to manage them? They run them ragged...
So what did I do that's so different and why is it so effective?
It's easy really once you know the techniques. My total confidence is instinctively recognised by children. I am totally consistent in my approach and know that the techniques always work. Children know who they have to behave for and who they have to take little notice of. When dealing with confident adults they happily hand over control to them, as the little boy today proved. He transformed from the, 'I'm taking no notice of you' child to the compliant, 'reasonably happy to oblige' one.
Understandably, children aren't going to be too keen to follow the rules when they've been allowed to get away with appalling behaviour for so long and the adults who allowed this are trying to take back control. It's vital that you persevere. Correct use of timing, body language, tone and attitude are essential. Anybody can learn to manage children's behaviour effectively -- read up on the techniques, practise and implement them consistently -- that's it..... - 16890
I'd already met this little guy. Last year I was asked to observe the class as some children (including our mini tyrant) were causing major behaviour problems. The young teacher was out of her depth and needed some help. So, I went and observed but - oh dear.... it wasn't at all good. There were four adults and just less than 30 children... but there wasn't any plan of who was supposed to be doing what with the groups. There was no team work, adult authority, discipline, structure or routine.
The little guy who's being referred to me was pretty good at the start. But he soon started - fidgeting, poking his neighbour - but the nearest adult failed to act. They'd been advised to ignore him! Then he was out of his chair and rolled under the table out of reach... No real rush of adult activity even then. This was all in less than 2 minutes from the lesson's start! Hm, what next? Off he went out of the room to the coat area. Surely someone was going to act now? Yes, one of the adults slowly got up and followed...
As I followed I heard a door being banged over and over. The adult stood by while he banged a toilet door. When I asked her what she was going to do, she looked a bit embarrassed and said that she didn't really know what to do. The child could tell by her manner that he had all the power - he knew that she hadn't the first idea of what action to take.
I asked if she wanted me to show her what she should do. 'Oh, yes please,' she said. Her body language changed as she recognised that help was being offered that would relieve her from a situation where she had no idea what to do.
As the child glared at me, challenging and defiant, I reached out, held the door and took his hand. Quite briskly but softly I told him to come with me. He was surprised at an adult's assertiveness as I walked him back towards the classroom. I asked the other adult to go and sit by the door in the classroom. The child walked with me calmly - he wasn't quite sure what to do. Nothing was happening that would make him want to fight, so he just followed.
When we got to where the assistant was sitting I told him to sit on the floor and not to move until the lady said he could. I asked him if he understood and he said that he did.
'Yes miss', he said. He sat down, looking at me, a little confused!
'That's a good boy, now don't move.'
The rest of the adults were watching the situation with looks of disbelief and said that they couldn't believe that he was conforming as he never did so for them. 'Well,' I told them, 'he obviously can conform as that's exactly what he's just done.'
A little girl, who also presented the teacher with major behaviour problems, looked at one of the adults, indicated towards me and said with great feeling, 'She's good!'
Children instinctively and immediately know which adults have authority and who they have to behave for. And the rest of the adults, who they know don't have the skills to manage them? They run them ragged...
So what did I do that's so different and why is it so effective?
It's easy really once you know the techniques. My total confidence is instinctively recognised by children. I am totally consistent in my approach and know that the techniques always work. Children know who they have to behave for and who they have to take little notice of. When dealing with confident adults they happily hand over control to them, as the little boy today proved. He transformed from the, 'I'm taking no notice of you' child to the compliant, 'reasonably happy to oblige' one.
Understandably, children aren't going to be too keen to follow the rules when they've been allowed to get away with appalling behaviour for so long and the adults who allowed this are trying to take back control. It's vital that you persevere. Correct use of timing, body language, tone and attitude are essential. Anybody can learn to manage children's behaviour effectively -- read up on the techniques, practise and implement them consistently -- that's it..... - 16890
About the Author:
Liz Marsden is an expert child behaviour management practitioner. She uses her experience in her own behaviour and in mainstream schools. She uses her experience to train teachers, trainee teachers, behaviour assistants and parents to manage children's behaviour with confidence. Visit Liz's website where you can download her widely recommended book, Behaviour Bible, which will give you invaluable advice to improve your behaviour management experience.
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